Self Worth before Self Esteem

By Christine Agro

I was asked by a client to help her understand what it means to have self-esteem and also to help her understand why she had such a hard time with the concept in general.  You often hear people say "you need to have self-esteem" or "you need to develop self-esteem" but no one has an answer to how you go about doing that.  The term 'self-esteem' has become a bit of catch-all.

For me, when a phrase or concept leaves me wondering 'what the heck does that mean?", I have learned that there is something deeper that is actually at the core of this concept.

In the case of self- esteem, what I found was actually self-worth.

Self-esteem is defined as having confidence in ones own abilities and respect for oneself.  The problem is we can't achieve this if we don't have self-worth.  If we don't first value ourselves which leads us to a discussion on self- validation.

Validation is the action of affirming one's worth or value.  Most of us though only know how to receive validation from others.  We may get it through praise for the things we do or we may get it through attention, both good and bad.  When we look for validation from others we have to give something away in order to receive it.  Maybe we give away our power, maybe we give away our health, or our certainty, but whatever we give away we are always playing catch up in the area of finding self-value.

The key to valuing ourselves is to in fact validate ourselves.  We can do this both physically and energetically.  Physically we shift our behavior away from asking others to tell us we are o.k and learn to know that we are o.k. all on our own. So instead of asking someone is 'we look o.k.' or seek someone to make us feel good about ourselves, take control of your own reality and feel good about you without needing anyone else to inform how you feel.  Energetically we can fill ourselves in with the energy of self-validation.  One of my favorite tools is to create a giant bubble above the head, imagine or intend that it is filled with the energy of self-validation and then pop the bubble and let if fill you in from head to toe, filling in every space within you.  To help support you even more, set your bubbles on automatic release, stacking up tens, hundreds or thousands of self-validation bubbles to fill you in.

If you haven't played with energy work, you may question how or if this will work.  Give it a try and remember, in the end, everything is energy.

So if you struggle with the concept of self-esteem or you've been trying to gain self-esteem, take a step back and rather than focusing on having confidence or respect for you, but your focus on learning to validate yourself.